How to curve an image in Cricut Design Space or Photoshop?

So of course I downloaded your image to see if I could replicate your problem.
And of course it transformed just fine. I added an image and flattened; that transformed just fine. I added text on top of that, and the whole thing transformed.

It’s clear you’re having bad juju. Sometimes computers take an evil glee in foiling our plans. I know my inkjet printer hates me.

My brother gave me his old desktop; I only use it for Photoshop. It isn’t up to running the slicer software, so I had to load Linux on my chromebook. That worked for a while, then refused. I found an online slicer, and that’s working now. I wonder what will go wrong next.