Things we don't talk about... uncomfortable subject

[Loop-da-Loop (Loops)]

Hi crafty buds, I’m not sure if this is the place to post but here it is for the moment!

Sooooo, I turn 50 in a couple of months, I’ve gathered a sh*t ton of chronic medical issues over the last 15 years and a couple I’ve had forever, perimenopause has started I think (mainly going on the night sweats as I rarely get TOTM’s so can’t use that as a sign…), and whilst I’ve lost about 78lbs in the last year (thanks meds + keto, yey!) I still am, and have been obese all of my life (thanks forever medical issues!). And no doubt all of this has contributed to today’s subject of incontinence… mine isn’t teeeerrible [currently] but enough that I worry when I’m leaving the house if I should pack extra undies and/or trousers, or wear something that will make me feel very uncomfortable, and whilst it’s been a small issue over the last 10+ years, things have got progressively worse over the last few years (e.g. a couple of times recently when I SHOULD have taken a change of clothes).

So today I’m making myself incontinence undies, and this is in “discussion and questions” because I have ADHD and if I’m going to get these done, I need some kind of ‘body doubling’ and accountability! I’m going away with my gal pals (some of my Uni pals and one of their daughters) in 2 weeks for my 50th, and I’m not getting through the list of things I wanted to make (and tailor the stuff I have that’s too big for me now) so I really need to pull my finger out and stop sitting there with my head spinning round with the list of things I need to do, not actually getting any of it done!!!

And yes admittedly writing this post could be seen as similar avoidance but there we go!

This is where I am so far…

I ordered zorb samples and wicking fabric samples etc and decided on what I wanted - I splurged on Zorb 4D Organic Cotton Dimple Waterproof PUL Soaker with Antimicrobial Silvadur, and ProCool Athletic Interlock with Antimicrobial Silvadur & Coolmax for the gusset, and the floral fabric I already had (tho I only have enough for 2 pairs so I need to find more fabric!).

The pattern I worked on last night from my standard [non incontinence] undies pattern - making the gusset longer at the front and a little narrower (since the zorb is a little stiff).

And here’s where I am so far, I’ve cut all the pieces, and I’ve just sewn the zorb piece onto my inner gusset

Also I just dyed my hair, so results of that coming soon, lol.

Keep me going my crafty buddies!!!
Argh, cr*p and it’s gone lunch time, I should go get some chicken, buuuuut I’m gonna get the next step done first, attaching the gusset to the front and back!

Loops xx

[Loop-da-Loop (Loops)]

Just realised I need to switch the threads in my overlocker too, gargh!!!

[Bunny1kenobi (Deanna 🇺🇸)]

You’ve got this!!!

Thank you for trusting us with your story. It can be uncomfortable to discuss something so private.

For what it’s worth, it sounds like you have things well in hand. And what girl doesn’t love pretty underthings?

Can’t wait to see all of your new makings AND fun pics from your bday trip!

[MamaRhi (Rhiannon)]

Where did you get the fabric samples?

[Loop-da-Loop (Loops)]

@Bunny1kenobi Thanks Deanna, it defo helps that I have everything ready to go, but I also know that the last pair of trousers I made for the holiday took me 2 weeks to actually finish despite saying I was going to do them many days during that period, lol, nightmare!!! I also so far today dyed my hair, and ordered a bunch of bits online (which always takes me sooo long because I can’t make decisions!), and it’s nearly 2pm here now, oopsy.

I need to get piccies of my swimming tankinis actually (1 new, and 3 that I did make but have had to take in a bit), I think I have 4 now, that’s nearly one for every day we’re away, ha ha ha ha!!

@MamaRhi I got mine from CuddlePlushFabrics.co.uk, but in the US Zorb is mainly sold at Wazoodle.com and I thiiiiink you can get samples from them too. Unfortunately places don’t seem to do free samples anymore mind but I figured that it would be cheaper to order samples that buy the wrong fabric, given how pricey Zorb is!!

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Ok, next step is done

And I have a doggy visitor now he’s so big he doesn’t fit on my sofa!

[TheMistressT (Tara - she/her)]

You seem to really have your solution underway in such a thoughtful and pretty way! It’s nice to see that there is a reusable option so one or more disposables aren’t being added to the trash every day! But maybe a disposable option would be helpful for traveling?

[Loop-da-Loop (Loops)]

@TheMistressT It’s definitely worth taking some disposables in case they’re needed for sure. We’re not going far thankfully, should be less than 2 hours drive, to Center Parcs Longleat (I used to work for Center Parcs when I was at Uni, and we went on holiday to their Dutch and English bases a lot when I was a kid, then with the hubby, so I have a big affection with it!!), but it’s quite a sporty place and we do have some badminton booked (if I’m feeling up to it) so there’s defo a chance that a higher protection level may be needed!

I do already have a selection of disposable options at the ready, I don’t use them very often, but when my pain levels are bad I do have to as a nerve twinge in my back can trigger things without my permission, especially overnight when I can’t control how my body is moving!

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Right, lunch made and being eaten, nom nom, chicken with egg mayo, and pickled asparagus, and some of my pills because I forgot to have breakfast this morning therefore I also forgot to have coffee and pills!! Dogs are now lazing outside in the sun. And I’ve untowelled the hair… not as vivid as I’d hoped given but never mind! Next step sewing on the leg bands when food is gone…

[Immaculata]

Thanks for being so open with us! I know this is an uncomfortable subject to discuss, but I think this information is relevant for a lot of people. A lot of women suffer from it and might not know what to do about it.

I hadn’t heard of Zorb but the combination of absorbent and antimicrobial material to prevent odour sounds perfect.

A few years ago, after I went through a period of illness, I temporarily lost control of my pelvic floor muscles. I had (fairly mild) pneumonia but it involved a lot of coughing and I was hit with a virus and shingles on top of that. All of a sudden my body did not know what to do anymore. Like, I had forgotten both how to go or how to hold it up. It was a very strange experience, and I’m very glad I was able to resolve it with pelvic floor therapy, but from my therapist I found out it’s a very common thing to happen, and I had never heard of it. Even my (female) doctor wasn’t much help (“it’s normal for women, maybe it will get better over time”) Dr. Google was the one who told me there’s therapy. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but I just wanted to put it out there in case it’s helpful for someone. In the meantime I used washable period underwear but I honestly wasn’t a fan. If it ever happens again I’ll try Zorb instead!

[Magpie (Straight, not narrow 🏳️‍🌈 🇨🇦 🌎)]

Your undie adventures are looking great! You’ve done a good job with the gusset, I like that both ends are seamed internally, I think that is the most comfy for wearing. I’m surprised wazoodle is still around! I got PLU from there when I was making baby diapers, goodness, so many years ago.
When I made my own undies from old tshirts in years past, I used a fold over elastic around the leg holes. It comes in all the colours and it very easy to apply, I used a zigzag stitch for stretch but also to ensure catching the edges on both sides all the way round, especially over seams. I remember stretching the elastic at the bum curve to create a little tension in that area.
One thing that greatly helped me with this issue over the course of menopause has been topical E cream, applied twice weekly in the area, lol. It prevents atrophy which of course can contribute to loss of sensation and control. It is appropriate even for those who cannot do traditional HRT as it only affects the tissues it’s applied to, not systemic levels. That and pelvic floor therapy which helped me identify which areas to focus on sensation-wise when doing any exercises. Before that it was just a mystery what I should be doing at all and any effort a complete waste. Frustrating.
Best of luck with getting all your stitching done in time for your fun trip!

[Loop-da-Loop (Loops)]

@Immaculata For sure, I think it’s a lot more common than we realise, what with medical conditions, having kids, and just ageing etc. I know at least a couple of my friends have similar issues, but only because I’ve been open with them about mine (I literally have no boundaries, rofl). I’ll have to report back when I’ve worn them to let you all know my thoughts on the zorb!

@Magpie Oh absolutely, nobody needs a seam there that could be itchy do they, yikes Do you know I’ve not had much look with fold over elastic, generally sewing stretch fabric on my sewing machine doesn’t go great when the fabric is very light or when it’s stretchy, or in this case both, lol, so I tend to use my overlocker entirely for doing undies, tho I can use my sewing machine for making bras because I use a scuba fabric for those, nice and supportive for the gals!! Thanks for the menopause advice, that’ll come in very handy, my Uni friends are all the same age as me and I know we’re all at that kinda stage and never had any useful info from our Mums about it because just like this uncomfortable subject, that one was never talked about either and most of our Mums either aren’t with us anymore or aren’t capable unfortunately. These kind of things really need to be talked about more imho!

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Well, I got slightly distracted by a phone call, and now it’s getting late and Mr Loops will be home soon!! Buuuuut all I have to do is the waistband now. Alas my overlocker is being an *rsehole though, so I don’t think the undies look the greatest (hopefully the next pair will look better!), but just one more seam to do… I’m sure it just needs a little dust out and some care because it’s making some funky stitches, but that will have to wait until tomorrow!

They do have a bit of a diapery look about them when laid down I will say, the zorb is stiffer than I would have liked but hey ho they look fine on and as long as they’re comfy and do the job they’re meant for!!

FOCUS BRAIN we’re nearly done!!!

[Loop-da-Loop (Loops)]

Well there’s nothing like seeing your undies laying flat to visualise how big your *rse is, ha ha ha!!
That said… waistband added, and elastic inserted, aaaaand DONE!!!

I’m really happy with how they’ve turned out, they fit pretty much like the normal undies I’ve made, stretchy and comfy, the gusset is just a bit stiffer (at the moment, I guess it might soften over time with wear), but at least unlike wearing a pad the gusset will stay where it’s supposed to and will be much more comfortable!!

Thanks for the encouragement guys, I do find it soooo hard to concentrate on one thing, especially when it’s something new or different, but now I’ve got that first pair done I should find it much easier to knock out a bunch more, phew!! I only ordered 1m of the Zorb because it’s so pricey, but it’s only used for the gusset so I should have enough to make lots more hopefully

[madebyBeaG (in 🇧🇪 (from 🇳🇱) 🌎)]

It looks great!
A very elegant solution.

[Immaculata]

Well done, they look nice! Zorb is expensive by the meter, but don’t forget pads are expensive as well. They look cheaper than they are, because you can get a pack of 8 pads for €2,50 and a meter of Zorb is €50, but if you can get 20 gussets out of a meter, you’d only have to wash each one 8 times before you’re financially ahead, and on top of that, you’ve got a super comfortable, custom design now!

[thanate (Ann needs more tea)]

I don’t know why but having to switch thread or wind a bobbin is the worst for throwing a wrench in the project I was just about to start actually doing.

Hope you can get these finished up soon & that they work to make your life a little more pleasant!

[Renstar (Ren)]

Your undies look so cute

@Loop-da-Loop

And I’ve untowelled the hair… not as vivid as I’d hoped given but never mind!

Your hair is naturally pretty dark if I remember correctly…

When I first had ‘crazy colours’ (hairdresser’s words - not sure if it was a brand name), it took 4 hours to bleach my hair and the first time the colour was put in, it faded really quickly. The next time I had it done (approx 4 weeks later because of the fade), it was more vibrant and lasted way longer

Hoping the next time you do it, the same works for you.

Oh, and re: menopausal stuff - remembering to eat regularly can help with so much. (I don’t, so definitely not a lecture). Also don’t have TOTMs, hot flushes were my first indicator - I do not like being boiled in a cauldron. I have only in the last month got patches because I had more symptoms that I didn’t even equate to being peri - fatigue being a strong one.

[Magpie (Straight, not narrow 🏳️‍🌈 🇨🇦 🌎)]

Frozen shoulder. Belly fat weight gain. Digestive changes, heart palpitations, hair loss, vision decline, mood swings, brain fog, libido cratering - UGH! Added to weakening pelvic floor, I was feeling quite crushed. Thank goodness for the patch & progesterone. I’m adding testosterone soon.
Women really get put through it all.

[Loop-da-Loop (Loops)]

@madebyBeaG Thanks I think still having my comfy ‘me made’ undies will make me feel much better with the situation

@Immaculata Oh absolutely, the price made me wince, but knowing how many gussets I’d get out of it made me feel much better!

@thanate Omg that’s for sure, especially on the overlocker, I’m fairly speedy at doing it now but if I can avoid it I will, lol!!

@Renstar Aah well you’re correct about my natural hair colour it is super dark, but I had it bleached last October and this is I think the 3rd or 4th time I’ve coloured it since then unfortunately. I always use Arctic Fox hair colour, but I actually got a different blue colour this time which I think is to blame (that’s my excuse anyways!), I’ll stick to my normal colour next time as that’s really vivid!! And yes offhand I think Crazy Colours is a brand I think the red that Mr Loops dyed his beard with last year was Crazy Colours in fact!

Thanks for the menopausal advice too, I wouldn’t have thought about eating regularly helping, that’s good to know!

@Magpie Oh gosh absolutely, we really do get a raw deal when it comes to body stuff I think!! I hope the patch and hormones are helping you!

[Immaculata]

I’m learning so much from you guys about (peri) menopause. My periods have also been extremely irregular for decades due to health issues. I had been wondering how I’d find out if I don’t get have the most visible clue. My GP told me not to worry about it because I’m so young but I’m not that sure. She said I’d know I’m definitely there when I haven’t had TOTMs in a year but by that logic I was menopausal before 20.

Menopause wasn’t really talked about in detail in my family either, but I remember my mother going through “the change” when I still lived at home (we call it “the transition” in Dutch) and my grandma shared some things with me in the last years of her life. I know they both became irregular and started bleeding heavily around my current age. But that’s not a sign I can rely on. I need to go and read up on less well-known symptoms.

[Loop-da-Loop (Loops)]

I have a similar situation, I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was about 21 years old and I’ve only had a handful of regular TOTMs in the nearly 29 years since, and the only thing I remember my mum saying about menopause was that she was bleeding very heavily which like you say is probably not likely for me. From what I’ve read about [the more regular] perimenopause symptoms though, the majority I already have anyways because of meds or other conditions (palpitations, hair loss, brain fog, memory loss, anxiety, depression, joint aches, irregular periods), so they’re absolutely useless as a sign, lol. The only thing that stands out as new for me is night sweats, I get boiling hot, then I’m freezing cold, then I’m boiling hot again, makes it very difficult to sleep! I’m sure there’ll probably be more to come tho, fun fun fun…

[AIMR (Linda -2026 time to regroup and renew :us:)]

You should look into getting a Chillow.

It was the only thing that kept me from losing sleep when I was going through it. It absorbs heat during the night and when you leave it all day, it cools off to use again.

In retrospect, I really didn’t have a bad time as some.